The Interwebs Make Dating Hard. Just Saying.


Funny thing about liking someone. It makes you a fucking lunatic. You stare off into space, thinking about them. You pull out your cell phone a zillion times, just to see if they texted you yet. You save your favorite texts they sent you. You make appointments with a personal trainer. You cancel those appointments. You eat three KitKat bars and vow to call that personal trainer back and this time, you are going to keep that appointment.

You once again worry about what you look like naked. You see yourself through someone else’s eyes for the first time. You question everything about yourself. You worry about your crazy family. You change your sheets. You consider sex toy etiquette (Yes, you need to get new ones. Those things don’t transfer).

You get those stupid ass butterflies in your stomach when they reach over to kiss you. You smile a lot, for no reason. You start every sentence with “Well, me and Mavrick…”. You drive your friends insane. You drive yourself insane.

And you start to realize that liking someone now isn’t a whole lot different than liking someone ten years ago. And then, oh hai, Interwebs! Let’s see if we can add a whole new layer of things to worry about. Thanks!

Trying to navigate the beginning of a relationship is difficult enough, and then you have to go and add the freaking Internet into the mix. Let’s start with Twitter. Mavrick and I follow each other on Twitter. But did I ever tell you that the day he joined Twitter, I had just tweeted:

“A watched cell phone never gets that text you have been waiting for. I hate crushing on someone. Makes me feel like a girl.”

So I get out of the shower to this text from him:

“Bet you wish this wasn’t the day I decided to get on Twitter. So. You’re crushing on me, huh? I like it when you’re a girlie girl.”

Like, honestly? I wanted to die. So. We text. We tweet. I blog. We live our lives SO in the public domain. And he knows it. He reads the blog (hi, honey!). I warned him that dating me meant having our dirty laundry aired out here. I warned him if he pissed me off bad enough one day, that I was a vindictive bitch and could go after him here. He knew (mostly) what he was getting into.

And this is not at all what it was like dating ten years ago. I didn’t have a blog. I didn’t tweet. And there was no stupid ass Facebook. This is my dilemma. How does one approach changing one’s Facebook status? It’s one thing to sit alone with your sweetie and agree to not see other people. It’s another thing to change your Facebook status. Then, all hell breaks loose.

You change your status from single to in a relationship, and the next thing you know, you have 75 messages and 32 comments. “Who’s the lucky guy?” “OMG, good for you! Who is he?” “Why haven’t I heard about this? You better call me!” “Did you tell him you had herpes? JK! Good for you!” All of your well-meaning ‘friends’ come crawling out of the woodwork, getting all up in your bidnezz.

Add to this the fact that if they are also on Facebook (he is) and you want to state that is who you are in a relationship with, and you want to ‘tag’ that, they have to approve, via email, that they are in a relationship with you. But what if they don’t want to advertise that? What if they aren’t ready to answer that flurry of questions? Does that mean that they aren’t serious about you, or that they just don’t want to deal with the shit storm that could befall them if they change that goddamned status?


It means that my head hurts. That I’m glad I always have wine on hand. That it’s not fair that Twitter and Facebook has changed the way we date. And that liking someone is a wonderful, scary, breathless, painful thing. If your Facebook status says single but you are actually in a relationship, does a tree still make a sound falling in the woods? This is the question for the ages.

Fucking Interwebs.



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7 responses to “The Interwebs Make Dating Hard. Just Saying.

  1. You know what’s funny? Cali and I just went through a 3 week breakup, and then decided to get back together. I didn’t bother changing my FB status or opt to put anything about it on my blog. In fact, if you look, there are very few posts about her on my blog — not that I don’t care, but because I like to keep my personal life … personal. I think the first blow-out we ever had (in which I thought for sure we were done) resulted in me hiding my FB relationship status because I realized that the last thing I wanted was to be bombarded with comments and mails asking “What happened?!” To me, what’s between she and I is between she and I, and that’s that.

    But that’s me. Most of the time, even my best friends don’t know if I’m dating someone or not. Keeps them on their toes!

  2. Mindbling

    Well I, unlike you my dear Three, have always worn my heart on my sleeves and my bad habits live on the Interwebs. I am not saying that one way is right or wrong. It’s just what I write about best.

    I will say that everything I post has the blessing of my significant other, and there is a valid reason that both of our pages remain single. That is not my story to blog.

    I am aware that the danger of putting everything out there means fielding questions that I may not want to answer, and many consider it TMI. Those people don’t have to read my blog.

    What I find ironic is that because of what I write, or the way I write, people make the assumption that they know me. They do not. They know what I choose to tell them. At the end of the day, the ‘real’ me is as elusive as your Facebook status.

    I’m glad you and Cali worked things out. : )

  3. Our differences are what make life interesting, no? 🙂

  4. Goose

    Funny about this shit. I can remember when I was dating this girl who name started with a K made a comment about why my exgf – whom I had dated for 4 years was before her on my phone. I explained to her that the ex’s name started with a C. A B C D……. duh. So after that my phone read X-1 the ex wife
    x-2 the 4 year ex
    and now X-3 her.

  5. Seattle

    you’re right totally. i found out my brother broke up with his girlfriend when his status went to single. poor guy- i didn’t call or write him a message- instead i asked my mom about it. who had already asked my other brother… yeah you just really can’t have a life and share it without sharing ALL of it.

  6. APR

    Fucking interwebs is right, sister. I think you are doing a pretty darn good job, because at the end of the day you can turn the computer off but you can’t turn your feelings off. Keep on keepin on 😉

  7. Wow. So glad I’m not going through dating with the Internet. It was hard enough… without social media. A dozen years ago? Holy cats, I’ve been with one man for 10 years.

    (And what a man!)


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