Things You May Not Know About Mindbling: I Wanted to be Physicist


Supernova 1994D, in the outskirts of galaxy NGC 4526. Making it further away than Scranton.

 Me and the Bitches were hanging out Saturday, just lounging around, having our men-folk wait on us hand and foot, drinking wine, and discussing who we would purchase if we were allowed to own a Canadian (for the record, mine is a tie between Sidney Crosby and Ryan Reynolds), when our conversation turned to books.

I had just finished the new Dan Brown tome, The Lost Symbol (if you are interested in my thoughts about it – it was meh.). There were some very interesting ideas about the dynamic of the power of group thought and mind over matter, and I am trying to explain this to Wormy and Hot Mama.

I get passionately involved in my description of the phenomena of mass consciousness, I start waxing rhapsodic about the power of the human brain, I stop for a breath and I notice – Wormy and Hot Mama are both staring at me with their eyes glazed over and drool coming out of their mouths.

Either they both stroked out at the exact same moment, or they were not nearly as entertained with my topic as I was.

Fast forward to Sunday. I was watching National Geographic, this fascinating program about Stephen Hawking and his quest for the Theory of Everything. Jr. walks into the living room.

Jr. – “Yo. Ma. What are you watching? (This is how jr. talks now. Like he is in a constant state of audition for ‘bad ass’, and a casting director may be hiding behind my recliner)

Me – “Oh! It’s this great explanation of how String Theory was able to take Quantum Mechanics and Hawking’s Big Bang, which is based, of course, on the Theory of Relativity, and combine them to prove there could be a Theory of Everything! See .. the problem was the gravity, where did the gravity go …. Jr? JR!”

Jr – “ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz. Wa? Wa? I’m up. Sounds great. Now put on the Olympics, woman. And make me a sandwich.” (Fourteen is such a CUTE age. I am thisclose to donating him to science.)

These two incidents, occurring as they did over a two day period, are forcing me to admit that some people do not love physics that way that I do. I LOVE physics. I own books upon books about physics, from ancient times to modern day theories. I love Newton and Hawking the way some people love bacon (the food bacon. Not Francis Bacon, inventor of the scientific method. And not Kevin Bacon, either). I think the geeks on The Big Bang Theory are sexy (Sheldon, call me!).

The primary reason that I am in PR and not physics is the amount of math it takes to be a physicist. I am just old enough that I missed the push for girls to participate more in math and sciences, and rather, I was encouraged to take Home Ec and carry a flour sack baby around to prepare me for my real duty as a mother instead, you know, taking calculus. Which is a shame, because who knows? I could have been the one to take human knowledge to the next level. Or at least discover if they have boxed wine in other galaxies.

Another reason to love physics? May I present to you one Pedro Ferreira, professor of astrophysics at Oxford University. Not only is he a world-renowned physicist, he is interested in educational programs for third world countries.

Your particles. Show them to me.

He can study my gravitational pull anytime.

There ya go. When I’m not busy drinking, having fantastic sex, and writing about my vagina, I’m pondering the mysteries of the universe and planning my trip to Switzerland to visit the Large Hadron Collider.

Now, I strongly encourage all of you to go hug the little girls in your life and tell them to put down the blankity blank babydolls and start learning equasions.




Filed under Uncategorized

2 responses to “Things You May Not Know About Mindbling: I Wanted to be Physicist

  1. 1. I would totally own Elisha Cuthbert. (She’s a dirty hockey girl.)

    2. You had me at String Theory.

    I was raised in the shadow of the FermiLab National Accelorator. That’s right, baby, high-energy particle physics. They measure quarks and shit.

    Making you hot?

    I’m going to go fantacize that Dr. Christmas Jones actually was a nuclear physicist.

  2. Mary McDowell Heidorn

    Thanks for re-affirming the fact that I’m a FANTASTIC mother…I bought Miss Lilly, our 6 year old, a microscope, a rock tumbler AND a crystal-growing kit for Christmas this year (the first thing she examined under the microscope was a scab that had fallen off her hand). Put your lighters up. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s