Saturday With The Bitches

So I had a fabulous idea about going bowling. I adore Wii bowling, so wanted to try my hand at the real thing since I have not done it in years. Hot Papa was up for it too, so we decided to get a group together. By Saturday night we had a huge group consisting of us, Wormy and Chilla, MB and Mav, Wikki and Wad, Phoenix and her boyfriend Mr. S, HP’s coworker and fiancée, and another friend and friend of a friend.

Here I am with Pheonix...isn't she adorable? Loves her!

We bust into Arsenal Lanes and put our name in for 3 lanes. We wait at the bar. And wait. And wait. And wait some more. Poor MB and Mav are sitting out in the hallway…the bar is too smoky for little Mavbling. My double Captain and diet cost ten dollars. I was starting to get irritated.

Around 10:30, I consult with the Bitches and we come to the executive decision that we should bag bowling for the night and just head to another bar. By this point, people are already starting to get drunk…like HP for instance…apparently, as I was canceling our lanes, they had called our names to bowl. HP flipped out on me as if I had purposely done this, so he needed to be smacked around a bit and put in his place. Ok, just kidding, I didn’t smack him…but I sort of wanted to.

We walked outside and found the nearest bar, which happened to be Hambone’s…a lovely little establishment in the heart of Lawrenceville. I say lovely with a note of sarcasm in my voice. Upon walking in, the bartender says, “If anyone is planning to eat, they better hurry up and order because the kitchen is closing in ten minutes.” MB is hungry, so we get a table in their dining room. The 200 year old, red-from-a-box-headed waitress who I will refer to as Ruby, comes to take everyone’s food/drink order.

Here is the way that I sneakily take pictures for the blog...see that's Ruby in the background.

She is clearly miserable, cranky, and hates us…probably because of our beauty and our youth which had clearly escaped her about a century ago. I order my rum, because it’s a ‘calories from drinks only’ kind of day. MB orders a grilled cheese and a water. She is none too thrilled about it.

Booooooo for water!

Mav and HP do not even walk into the dining room…they are up at the bar, ordering shots. Chilla and Wormy are just kind of standing in the middle, being blissfully in love with each other as usual when I suddenly notice them laughing. I walk in to see what the commotion is about and then I see it…right smack in the middle of the bar is a lottery machine. A lottery machine. In a bar. Of course, we begin feeding it money for scratch offs…an obscure lottery machine in the middle of a bar has got to have some winners. Wormy puts in a five, but the machine gets stuck. HP sticks his hand up there and out came a 4 caret diamond ring!! Ok, just kidding…he did dislodge 13 scratch offs, though. Gotta be winners, right? Wrong. We won one free ticket. Pretty damn disappointing.

Freebies! Can you even stand it?!?!

The ATM machine just said ATM…it did not seem to be affiliated with any type of bank, except maybe The Bank of What’s Happenin Now! Ruby lit up a cig and put in our ashtray every time she walked by us. I saw a mullet. This was a classy place. A good time was being had by all, Mav and HP seemed to be bonding over shots of Southern Comfort, I was letting loose, knowing that I had MB to drive us home, everything seemed to be going along grandly until, out of no where, a fat drunken asshole tried to beat us all up. He charged Wikki, knocked her hat right off her head, got in Wad’s face, and was just generally being a jerk for NO REASON! None of us know why he came after our little group, but I imagine his reasons were much the same as why Ruby seemed to hate us…because we are young and awesome. Maybe they were in cahoots…we will never know for sure, it is a mystery.

Bartender kicked the guy out and bought all of us a round of drinks. After that, we were done. Well, some of us were beyond done…not naming names, but it rhymes with Got Sloppa…and got sloppa, he did. We got home and he spent an hour preaching to Drummer about the importance of math class…which is true, but after hearing the same sentence 65 times in a row, it loses its appeal.

All in all, I would say that it was a good, impromptu night out with the Bitches. I would also say that if you plan to go to Arsenal Lanes on a Saturday, you should reserve lanes in advance. And last, but certainly not least, I would say that math class is important. I did not want to say that, but I cannot get those words out of my head.

xoxo

Hot Mama

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Saturday With The Bitches

  1. Cannot believe that the bitches were in my ‘hood! I thought I noticed a hightened police presence Saturday night! I live around corner from Hambones and Arsenal lanes. They are old-school L’ville.

    We once ate at Hambones and our waitress got so sloppy drunk that another waitress had to take over. Yup, just like bringing in a relief pitcher. Awesome.

    There are better joints on Butler St. (Thunderbird, New Amsterdam, Round Corner Cantina, Remedy), but none with as much downhome Yinzer flavor.

    • Hot Mama

      My vote was for New Amsterdam, but it was too far to walk and some of us (me) did not wear comfortable shoes. Gotta love L-Ville! Hot Papa and I fell in love on the bar stools of Partners…shameful, I know…but they had 50 cent Ice House Drafts! Classy!

  2. Big Dancin' Mama

    Just happy to see you extolling the virtues of math class. . .also glad Super D and I decided to wait until the real bowling outing, as we were home enjoying the Wii version.

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