As some of you may know, I sell sex toys on the side. I say on the side as if I have another job, which I don’t. I don’t really do parties that often, but I always have catalogs and order stuff occasionally for myself, my friends, or whoever. I like to have the ability to get that stuff for cheap because, well, lets be honest here, I like sex. Who doesn’t? Sometimes, I feel like I am living the same day over and over…and after chasing kids around all day, doing the same activities again and again, the monotony starts to get to me. I made a vow to myself that I would never let my sex life get that way, so I don’t. Toys and sexy outfits help a lot. They make me feel confident, which makes me more appealing to HP, so it’s really just a win win situation all around. I think sex toys should be a part of every woman’s life, whether you are in a relationship or not. (And if you don’t have one, I would be happy to send you a catalog and discreetly order one for you. No one will ever know!)
Anyhoodles, I walked to a store (not going to say what store, as I am not trying to out the person of whom I am going to write about) near my house last week to buy toilet paper and cough syrup. (Sexy, right? Yes, even The Bitches use toilet paper and cough. Though we shit rose petals and cough up diamonds, that’s the difference between us and you.) I took my purchases up to the counter and was waited on by an adorable older woman of about 72. She told me that she liked my pink Burberry purse…I told her it was a knock off and that I had gotten it from a purse party several years ago. She said she was recently at a candle party, and had spent way too much money. We both agreed that home parties were expensive, and that even when people invite you and say that you do not HAVE to order anything, they are actually lying. We were chuckling away and I told her that I happen to sell lingerie. She said, “Oh, wow, that must be fun. My old friends are just too old to go to a party like that.” I smiled, and picked up my bag, ready to leave and she stopped me. “Wait,” she whispered. “do you by any chance sell anything of the…um…mechanical variety.” I was taken aback a little bit, but who am I to deny someone of a sex toy if they need it? “As a matter of fact, I do.” I said “Do you want my card?” She said that she did. She told me that they had ‘massagers’ at that store, but she was too embarrassed to buy one. I gave her my card, assured her of my discreetness, and was on my way.
She has yet to call me. I have a feeling that she never will, which, in my opinion, is sad. She grew up in a time where she was probably told that sex was dirty, shameful, and not something to be discussed. My guess about this woman is that she was probably married for many years, has only had sex with one person her entire life, and he probably passed away. She probably feels like she is too old to date, and is probably scared to be with another man. But basic human desires have not escaped her and it is not fair to her that she should live out the rest of her life with out the most basic of her needs being met.
I hope she calls me, and if not me, I hope she has access to the internet and can discreetly order something online. In this day and age, people need to stop being so squeamish. Women of all ages need to realize that sex is healthy, pleasure is a right, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone wants to feel good, just as everyone wipes their ass and occasionally gets sick with a cough. The world would be a much more peaceful place if every woman went out and bought themselves a vibrator. Orgasms get rid of headaches, menstrual cramps, and pissy moods. I think we should all try and have one each and every day.