You know how when you love someone you start to care about what they care about, even if you previously not only didn’t care about it, but actually thought it was a ginormous, stupid waste of time and money?
Ya. Love. Makes you stupid. This is why I’m watching golf. Because Mavrick loves golf. And I love being right. And I TOLD HIS ASS TIGER WOULD SUCK AN EGG AT THE MASTER’S.
I couldn’t just root against Tiger (for all of the obvious reasons), I had to find someone to root FOR. I needed a hero. And I chose Phil Mickelson. Because he took time off to nurse his wife through breast cancer. Because his mom has breast cancer. Because he seems like a seriously decent guy. Because he’s left-handed. Because I just had a feeling …
And then I tossed myself into learning how one follows golf. What’s a bogie? A birdie? An eagle? A caddie? What’s up with those little flags? Can I do the wave? Why is everyone so quiet? Does anyone get drunk and streak the course? Are there mascots? Mavrick patiently explained it all to me, even though he was firmly on Team Tiger, and he knew I only cared because I was licking my chops at the thought of Phil possibly winning and ME BEING RIGHT (bear in mind, I get to pick Mavbling’s middle name because I won a bet on the Kentucky/WVU game. This is how we roll).
And this is how I found myself glued to my TV today. Yelling, screaming and fist pumping to mother effing golf. I know I am just learning about golf, but even I could tell Tiger was sucking out there. By the 15th hole, I knew my man Phil had it.
He made it official with the what I’m going to call the best putt I have ever seen in my three days of watching golf, right there on the 18th hole. With his gorgeous, cancer-sticken wife cheering him on, surrounded by their three adorable children.
He marched off the field, grabbed her in his arms, and they shared a quiet, tender, tear-filled moment in front of millions of people. I was literally sobbing. Fucking golf.
Who would have thought that an epic battle of good versus evil would be played out in Augusta, GA? Good won today. I have no doubt that Tiger is still capable of making a come back, and I am by no means saying the man doesn’t deserve to make his living the only way he knows how, regardless of the fact that he is one of the douchiest douches to ever walk the planet.
No. I’m just saying that Phil deserves this. That sometimes good things happen to good people, and bad people make ill-advised Nike commercials and come in fourth place and their wives won’t talk to them and HA HA HA HA.
And also, I was right.
(Here is link to a video of THE MOMENT. I dare you to tell me it’s not heart rendering. WATCH AND LEARN TIGER. This is how you win. Goddamn. It’s still making me cry.)