Hot Mama Does The Pirates

E-man took this pic...pretty sweet!

Haha, just kidding. I did not ‘do’ the Pirates…that would be wrong and immoral. Though maybe I should have…at least then they would have scored at SOMETHING.

Anyway, I got a very random text message from Mindbling the other day, asking me if I would go on a ‘man date’ with Mavrick. I think she had her wording screwed up, as I was always under the impression that a man date is when two non homosexual dudes go out together. But I knew what she meant…man date as in a non-romantic date to do something manly. Friend date, if you will.

He wanted to go to the Pirate game and since MB was out of town for work, he had no one to go with. I agreed to try and find a sitter for the boys, but was unable to do so. I sadly informed Mindbling of this…but about ten minutes later I received simultaneous messages from both MB and Mav, telling me to bring the kids.

Apparently, good old Mav wants to get used to being around kids. Ha. Lucky for him, I have two rambunctious boys just PERFECT for that job.

I picked E-man up from school early (cause I am the coolest freaking mom on the planet, you gotta admit) and we headed out to pick up Mavrick. As soon as he got into the car, E-man began what would we the beginning of a long string of begging for cotton candy. ‘Ma, when we get there, can I have cotton candy?’ ‘How long til I can get cotton candy?’ ‘Are we there yet? Do they sell cotton candy in the parking lot?’ You know, things of that nature.

After driving around for a while, looking for parking that did not cost twenty dollars and listening to E-man talk about cotton candy and attempt to tell us just exactly where he thinks we should park (cause he is the first 5 year old to know EVERYTHING), we find a spot….right in the twenty dollar lot.

I slather the boys up with sunscreen and we begin the walk to the stadium. It is during this walk that I realize Smiley’s shoes are on the wrong feet. Awesome! I am such an observant mother.

We get our tickets and head up to our seats. Not too sure where they were because I am not very informed on baseball. I just love going to games, eating the food, and drinking the beer. We sit down with our free t-shirts and hats (score!). E-man put his hat and shirt on and looked adorable.

It was pretty sunny!

Real sunny!

He did not sound adorable, however, as he was whining, once again, for cotton candy. I tell him that he is going to have to wait a little bit. It’s the first inning, for God sake. Plus, I wanted him to eat some actual food. Mavrick, being the cool guy that he is, offers to get up and get some food. He asks what the boys would eat and I tell him, “nachos or a hot dog. Whatever.” I did not in a million years think that he would come back with the entire food stand. He brought two things of nachos, two hot dogs, and two beers. (SCORE AGAIN!!)

Being new to fatherhood, and by no fault of his own, he did not bring a kid drink. So after chowing down on spicy nacho cheese and salty hot dogs, both kids are bitching that they want a drink. And cotton candy, of course.

I take Smiley with me on a quest for the nearest ATM, a kid friendly drink, and cotton candy. The moment we walk out into the common area, Smiley says he has to pee. He does not, in fact, have to pee…but I think I have mentioned before about his obsession with seeing bathrooms of every place we ever go.

He squeezes out one drop of pee. Grrrr. I then go to the ATM and begin walking far and wide to find the cotton candy man. No where to be found. I get in line to get the kids a drink, but after standing there, holding a 30 pound child for twenty minutes, I cannot wait anymore. The line was getting no shorter. I go back to the seats, praying to God that the pop man and cotton candy man will appear. He does not.

I sit down, starting to feel the old familiar mom angst. I hand Mavrick a twenty and ask him to please go get us two more beers and a Sprite for the boys. He does it. (Thanks Mav!) E-man is still yapping about cotton candy and now he has Smiley doing it too.

I don't think he looks scared of kids...that just means he hasn't spent enough time with us!

I finally see the damn candy man! YESSSSS! E-man requests the pink cotton candy, rather then the blue. Good choice, in my opinion. I open the bag, they each eat about a tablespoon worth AND….they’re done. Smiley is whining that his hands are sticky and E-man is ‘stuffed’ from the nachos. Mav says, “Well, that was anti-climatic.” Indeed.

After eating and seeking out cotton candy like crack heads for two solid hours, it is the 4th inning. The kids are getting sleepy and cranky and Smiley wants to kick the head of the lady sitting in front of us.

We leave as the score is 8-0, Brewers. Whether our leaving made it worse or better for the Buccos, I will never know.

As we are leaving, E-man says he has to poop, and Mav valiantly offers to take him into the restroom. Apparently, E-man thought the urinal was a very public toilet and started trying to take his pants off and sit on it! Good Lord! Poor Mavrick. They don’t have urinals in preschool!

All in all, I had a good time. As good a time as can be had with a 5 and 2 year old, anyway. I sure hope that Mavrick had fun, too, and that he will not run screaming in the other direction the next time myself and my children come into his line of vision.

Go Pirates! PLEASE!
Hot Mama

Oh, I must add as a little side note…too much junk food and cotton candy = E-man vomiting hot pink in my bathroom right before bed! He did make it to the toilet, though. SCORE!!

Another side note…I have said score like 3 times in this post alone…and that means that I have scored way more then the Pirates today. SCORE!!!!

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Hot Mama Does The Pirates

  1. Maybe you should have “done” the Pirates… at least they would have scored at something

    • Hot Mama

      Exactly! I saw on the news that Pirate fans were actually cheering for the Brewers by the end of the game! Apparently it was the worst ass whooping EVER.

  2. Are we going to have to ban you from the park for the rest of the year? Good Lord, your very presence distracted the boys into becoming the worst T-ball team in history. My God, when does the slaughter rule kick in?

    And way to put Mav through child care bootcamp!

    • Hot Mama

      Yes I am pretty sure E-man could have showed them a thing or two on that field yesterday.

      I will have you know that I just had to google ‘slaughter rule’…learn something new every day. And why that rule did not kick in yesterday is beyond me!!

  3. You know, I won’t lie. When I was a kid, I LOVED to check out public bathrooms. That – and pulling my baby teeth out underneath the booth at restaurant. Good luck!

    • Read: At a restaurant.

    • Hot Mama

      Haha, well in that case you would get along very well with both of my kids. Just last night we were at a restaurant and Smiley insisted on going to the bathroom THREE TIMES and E-man was trying to yank his top tooth out at the table! Have you been talking to both of them without my knowledge? 🙂

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