Hot Mama’s War Against The Dutch Oven

Ok, so, anyone that knows the Hot family knows that Hot Papa is damn near famous for his farts. I mean GAWD, they could not only clear a room, they could clear all of the North Hills and it’s surrounding areas. (For all you stalkers out there…that’s right. I live in the North Hills. But I wouldn’t get too close…the farts and my dog will destroy you.)

A few years ago, while we were in the process of moving, Hot Papa got our couch stuck in the landing of our old apartment. While trying to dislodge the couch, he farted and damn near killed Wormy’s ex boyfriend in the process. Like to the point that he was literally gagging. Looking back, I guess it was a kind of foreshadowing…cause now when I think about Wormy’s ex, I myself gag. But that’s neither here nor there.

I would pretty much guarantee that almost all of my friends have experienced a Hot Papa fart at one time or another. When he turned 30 and I had a surprise party for him, almost everyone bought him a card featuring some type of fart joke. Wormy’s said ’your farts are legendary’. So I was not surprised when she sent me this little gem of a video via Jezbel (Videogum)

Ok, so I seriously am going to buy this blanket. On top of that, I would like to suggest that this company design underpants, shorts, pajamas, bathing suits, and tuxedos. I mean, what if you are in a wedding and you have to fart? Nothing worse than a fart in church. The Better Marriage Blanket Tuxedo could be the next big thing.

I also want to suggest that this company change the name from Better Marriage Blanket to Better Air Blanket. I mean, WTF? They are selling themselves short by catering only to the married. Unmarried couples fart, too. Probably not as much as us old married assholes because the unmarried are still trying to impress each other. I am pretty sure I waited for marriage, or at least the engagement, to break the fart barrier. HP, on the other hand, probably farted on our second date. Which makes me believe that this really is true love…a weaker woman would have never made it to date number three.

Smell Ya Later,
Hot Mama

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “Hot Mama’s War Against The Dutch Oven

  1. Pinky and I have a running disagreement over in-bed gas.

    When she chops, she’ll immediately fluff the covers… she said she’s trying to disperse the fumes.

    I say, “clamp that shit down.” You should seal off the top of the covers to keep the offending matter down there. Then you try to fall asleep before any leaks out.

    I would totally look into that blanket, if it didn’t cost an arm and a leg. $120 my ass… I can breath into the pillow for 5 minutes, for free.

  2. $120! With military technology that they can’t detail. Some state secret, I guess. This thing better use GPS technology to identify the prevailing wind direction and then release an unmanned drone to drope laser-guided Lysol bombs on the offending stench. Anything less and I’ll be disappointed.

    If it doesn’t, looks like I’ll be busy in the inventor’s cave all weekend.

    Mrs Carpetbagger: “What are you doing down there?”

    Me: “Nothing. Just inventing the Star Wars Intergalactic Fart Odor Supression System. You know, SWIFOSS.”

    Mrs Carpetbagger: “Whatever.”

  3. Seattle

    Seattle-hubby often threatens to “blow my leg off” with his farts. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if being trapped under the blankets with those things will rot my flesh i I need that blanket

  4. haha I love this. I’m getting to be an old fart. The older I get the more I fart.

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