Ginger Babies. THE Must Have Accessory for 2011.

Your vagina turns in to a burning ring of fire. You go down down down, but the flames keep getting higher. Your cootie burns burns burns, a ring of fire. A ring of fire.

So the Orgasmic Birth videos that we watched in class? Did not seem to me that anyone was having an orgasm. Not that I am certified in any shape, way, or form in judging when, indeed, someone is having an orgasm, but I’m enough of a field enthusiast that I think I could pick one out.

These just looked like your garden variety, natural child births. Sort of a let down. It appears I will not be writhing in ecstasy while I deliver Mavbling without the help of pain medications. I did, however, hear a lovely term that I want to share with all of you: Ring of Fire. No, it’s not a Johnny Cash song, nor is it a circle of oceanic volcanoes in the Pacific Rim. Rather, it’s the phrase used for when your vagina unhinges like the jaw of a snake and the baby’s head starts crowning.

Apparently, it hurts like a bitch. Can’t wait.

As of tomorrow, I have six weeks left until my official due date. I would like to think that to this point, I have been a pretty cool pregnant chick. I have gone out, drove all my drunk ass friends around, stayed cheerful and active, healthy, happy, optimistic. I would like to think that I have made pregnancy seem easy. Fun, even.

And I am doing my best to maintain my cheerful façade. Even though. Even though I want to stuff my face with fried cheese products dipped in ranch while someone rubs my feet. Even though I have peed twice already in the past 40 minutes. Even though I just want to go to sleep for 14 hours, but can only actually sleep 4 hours at a time. Even though I feel like a walking hippo. Even though I can no longer bend down to get something I drop. Which I do about every 15 minutes, because I now have the grace of a drunken, three-legged elephant.

I am determined to smile through the rest of this pregnancy, and labor, and delivery. Right up until the Ring of Fire. At that point, I am giving myself permission to scream, cry, hit people, and duct tape my bottle of Captain Morgan Private Stock I have been hoarding directly to my face.

Speaking of Fire! That makes me think of red. And that makes me think of an ongoing argument I have been having with Mavrick. I am convinced we are having a little ginger baby. I was born with red hair, and he has plenty of glints of red in his. Everyone knows that two people with red-headed tendencies are going to produce a red-headed baby.

Ginger baby or no, I will tell you this. We are going to have the cutiest, patootiest baby in the WORLD. I present to you EVIDENCE. Mine and Mavrick’s baby pics. The cute. It hurts, doesn’t it?

Little baby Mavrick. DO NOT ACT LIKE YOUR OVARIES DIDN'T JUST SQUEE!

Photographic evidence that yes, I have always been a cut up. Also, adorable. And, that's some serious red hair.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Ginger Babies. THE Must Have Accessory for 2011.

  1. If that kid doesn’t pop out with red hair, I’m demanding a recount.

  2. Was was your mom nursing you with, Jack Daniels?

  3. As I have a brunette and a blonde, I too am hoping for a ginger this time round. The chances aren’t as high for me, but it’s not totally unlikely. Also, it’s not the ring of fire that gets you: it’s transitioning. I said some heinous things to dan when I was transitioning with Kate, and I almost kicked the doctor in the head when she was helping me deliver Flora. The ring of fire means you’re almost done! (bright side, good news, whatever.) Good luck!

  4. Big Dancing Mama

    Instead of the Johnny Cash version of Ring of Fire, I think you need to listen to the Frank Zappa version. This will be a more accurate depiction of what you can expect. And I am going to have to beg to differ with Albamaria30. To me, there is no bright side, good news, whatever, to that moment. Sorry. At least it’s over quickly.

  5. If I wasn’t already pregnant, I’d be afraid I’d just self fertilized.

    I love little baby smiles. And yours is full-on baby smile. Love it.

    Oh, and being a cool pregnant woman totally wins you points for when you’re suddenly the un-cool, screaming, pissed off, not sure if you’re peeing or your water broke pregnant woman. Just look as it as if you are paying it forward.

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