This could PROBABLY be the last thing you ever read…

So, yeah, I try to avoid all things Armageddon. I think it’s just a bunch of silly, pocket protector wearing, Steve Urkel pants sporting, NERDS making up horse shit. They have nothing better to do with their time then try and make us non-nerds feel nervous. It’s like they are trying to get back at us for not going with them to prom or something.

While I can appreciate the Mayan civilization and so-in-so prophets predicting different events, I think that it’s all in how one chooses to interpret things. You can look at a glass and see it half empty, and I may see it as half full. You can look at a picture of Angelina Jolie and think it is beautiful, I can look at it and see a person who irritates the hell out of me and stole Jennifer Aniston’s man. You can be Team Jacob, and I will remain Team Edward. It’s what makes the world go round…no, not vampire movies…but differences in opinions and interpretations.

While surfing the interwebs earlier this morning, I came across this headline…Violent sun throws fit, massive blast of plasma to hit Earth tomorrow! So I do some more searching and find this (article via The Register).

Ok, so a giant, fiery, Earth sized, radiation filled, ball of plasma is, at this very moment, being hurled towards us and no one seems concerned with it? It will probably not exterminate us. Probably? PROBABLY?? Sheesh. Here are statements where I would most likely use the word probably: I will PROBABLY polish off a box of wine tonight (but not I will PROBABLY drink some bleach tonight) or I PROBABLY know where my ipod is (but not I PROBABLY know where my kids are), or I PROBABLY will ask Hot Papa for a foot rub later (but not I will PROBABLY ask Hot Papa to burn the bottoms of my feet with hot coals later). Get my drift? I reserve probably for things that are not really a big deal.

If we don’t all die a horrible, fiery death, it is possible that states in the Northern US will be able to see the Northern Lights,because apparently the highly deadly solar plasma triggers the Aurora Borealis, aka The Northern Lights. I don’t care enough about the science to explain why or how, but you can find out yourself very easily. Just Google GIANT SUN BLAST TO HIT EARTH TOMORROW!! You will get more Northern Light info then you ever cared to know. Or maybe you do care to know. I don’t know. All I know is that me, being the neurotic spaz that I am, called my mom and grandma to tell them that I love them, just in case the world ends in noxious wave of solar tsunami.

Northern Lights...so pretty, so breathtaking...so shares its name with a brand of medical marijuana...

Ok, so the world will PROBABLY not end. But if it does, that sucks. There is so much I still want to do with my life! I have never watched the sun rise over the ocean, (cause if I am at the ocean, that means vacation, which means I am probably too hungover to wake up at 6am) I have never traveled outside of the US, (not even to Canada. Wtf?) I have never jumped into the Mon River on New Years Day (see my excuse for never watching the sun rise), I have never tossed a martini in anyone’s face (lifelong dream of mine, don’t ask why)…I haven’t even been to Pod Camp!! I just bought my VIP pass for this year…and damnit, if the freaking SUN ruins it for me, I am gonna be one pissed off Bitch in the afterlife.

Well, that’s all I have to say for this little bed time story.

Sweet dreams to all…I will see ya on the other side…well, PROBABLY.

Xoxo

Hot Mama

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “This could PROBABLY be the last thing you ever read…

  1. I will PROBABLY laugh about this while watching the aurora borealis and potentially searing myself with said radiation blast.

  2. First, I would like to say that as much as I like, really like Jennifer, I do, I would have cheated on her for Angelina. Not left her, mind you, but cheated on her.

    Secondly, you are so cute for your goodbye maybe phone calls. Gram loved it, you made her night.

    Finally, I would be happy to get silly and toss martinis in one another’s faces if you so desire. I love a good martini, as you well know.

    But most importantly, I have seen many, many a sun come up over the Atlantic Ocean. Many, many. I have never shared that moment with another soul, as to date, because no one will get up and walk the two blocks with me at Ridiculous o’clock in the Morning. That is my dream. If we live through the Sun Fit, we could PROBABLY do this the next time we go to the beach.

    Love you, Sweetie.

  3. If this is the last night, at least I got to meet the Bitches! I can die happy…

  4. Cassie or Carly

    So really, who the hell would be Team Jacob? I mean, threatening to commit suicide to get a chick to kiss you isn’t the way to win hearts, buddy.

  5. And this is why I ate the forbidden cheese last night….and here we are living to tell the tale.

  6. So the sun has “a huge solar pimple so large as to be visible without the aid of a telescope.”

    Who doesn’t remember their angry teenage years. I think this is just a phase it’s going through. It will pass. It really just wants attention. If you ignore it, it will settle down.

    Thanks to the sun’s hormonal outbursts, however, Mrs. Bagger is now going to insist that we schlep up to Canada or Vermont or Erie or somewhere this weekend. It’s her lifelong goal to see the Northern Lights. It’ll be Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. All because the sun popped a huge zit at us.

    Actually, her dream vacation is to go to Scandanavia or wherever they have the land of the midnight sun. To me that just sounds like a horror movie where you never know what time it is, nobody can sleep, and everybody just wanders around like zombies. Fun times.

  7. thedrunxter

    Hahahaha! DIED…not literally because this was written two days ago and look! We’re alive! Save that box wine for when zombies attack

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