All day yesterday my friend, SmittyKitty, kept texting and IMing me about going to see an Elvis impersonator show at the Hard Rock and how hawt this Elvis dude is. I’m like, does he look like young Elvis or old bloated Elvis? She says young so I’m in. Her husband, FourFittySmitty is the event planner there so I knew we would get the hookup with a good table.
We arrive and SmittyKitty wasn’t lying; this guy is HAWT. <click the pic to enlarge, its worth it> His real name is Ryan Pelton and if you get the chance, go see him. He puts on a great show. Costume changes, throwing swag to the audience and giving away free smooches put this crowd in a fiery mood. I think most of these people were alive to see the real Elvis, and might have dementia thinking this was the second coming. Two ladies in particular were 1 drink away from throwing granny panties on stage. One clearly had recent bunion surgery but she didn’t care. She was dancing her ass off all night. It was a sight, that’s for sure.
The band takes a break and Elvis is taking photos with the fans. An older couple gets up to get a photo and when they come back the server had cleared their table. They aren’t happy and rightfully so. They were gone for like 2 minutes so they complain to FourFittySmitty and he tells the serverchick not to clear any tables cause no one is leaving.
He turns his back to walk away, but me and SmittyKitty are still standing there and hear the serverchick say “Why don’t you shut the fuck up you fat fuck!” Well….SmittyKitty is not one to let things slide especially if someone is going after her man. So she goes over and tells FourFittySmitty what just went down. <As a side bar, I came to find out that FourFittySmitty helped get serverchick the job there….his mom knows her dad, palms were greased…yada yada yada…which makes this all the worse.> FourFittySmitty said he would have been fine if serverchick would have said he was big boned instead of fat, but saying he was fat just pushed him over the line.
We get our photo with Elvis and the band is back on. FourFittySmitty tells the GM what went down, GM then calls serverchick over and asks her what she said. She burst into tears and admitted to saying it. The GM said we can’t have that and fired her on the spot! It was epic. All the while, Elvis is doing his thing, old ladies are getting moist panties and biker dudes are reviving their engines. It was sensory overload.
After the show, Elvis came to our table and chatted with us over a beer. He’s a really nice, normal, humble guy who likes to dress up as a dead rock star but doesn’t seem to get caught up in all the hype. He looks like the type to donate all those granny panties flung on stage to charity or something. He is kind. I couldn’t help but compare him to serverchick, who was clearly NOT kind. While I felt bad she got fired, I think it was a hard lesson she needed to learn.
It was a night of laughter, of fun, of elderly people dancing, and yes, of tears and dashed dreams. And at the end of the night Elvis and the serverchick had left the building