I don’t consider myself a girlie girl. I don’t like fashion, or cosmotinis, or shaving. I would rather watch sports than shop. When all of my girl friends got together to see the Sex in the City movie, I went to the strip club with the husbands and boyfriends. That’s just how I am.
I relate very well to men. And I thought I knew men very well. Turns out I was horribly, terribly, god-awfully wrong.
Cousin and her boyfriend, Water Wings, came over last Sunday to watch the Jets/Patriots game. Water Wings is a huge Jets fan, and being that the thought of the Patriots losing filled me with untold amounts of joy, we decided it would be fun to hang out and watch the game together.
Of course this entailed some adult beverages. Some of us whose name rhymes with Smavrick might have had more than others. Cousin was in the downstairs powder room, using the bathroom, as she does very often because she has IBS. Mavrick was complaining about walking ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to pee, and then drops this on me:
“You know, sometimes I pee in the kitchen sink.”
I was HORRIFIED by this, and thought he was joking. There is no way that my Mavrick, my well-educated, well-dressed, and well-behaved boyfriend, would do something so barbaric.
Oh no, he was serious.
Me – “But our DISHES are in that sink.”
Mav – “Don’t worry sweetie, I take the dishes out first”
Me – “Our baby’s BOTTLES are in that sink!”
Mav – “I’ve actually peed in the sink while I held the baby!”
It was at this point that I realized that there something seriously wrong with Mavrick. I just couldn’t understand why he would do that. I decided that public shaming was proper punishment for this crime, so I tweeted and Facebooked that Mavrick pees in the sink.
And boy was I in for a surprise. Sure, there were a fair amount of indignant Eeewss and grosses, but there were way more men saying Yep, that happens and women saying that they, too, have sink-pee-ers. One man even went as far as to accuse Mavrick of breaking The Man Code, which I used to think was a myth but am now convinced actually exists and is passed around from man to man, complete with sink peeing instructions.
Why go to the trouble of moving the dishes when you could walk 15 feet and pee in the toilet? Why create MORE work for yourself, because you also better be rinsing the sink out real, real well when you’re done. I could not wrap my female brain around this. The reason that Mavrick pees in the kitchen sink is because he CAN. Where I, a woman, see a sink full of dinner dishes, Mavrick, a man, see an opportunity to say, “Hmmm. Can I pee in that?”
And also, as Water Wings pointed out, no man ever got yelled at for leaving the sink lid up.
So yes, it’s true. Some men, not all men, but some men, pee in the sink. And on Friday, we added one more to the list. Tony Kornheiser of ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption (PTI). That is mine and Mavrick’s favorite show. We DVR it and watch it together everyday. I love Tony Kornheiser. And Mike Wilbon. I want to be their friend and go have beer with them.
I think that someone, somewhere at PTI follows my Twitter. Because how in the hell else do you explain this:
Tony, call me! Let’s hang out and drink beers, and then you and Mavrick can pee in sinks together!