Mindbling’s Very Happy Valentine’s Day

A few weeks back, I was lucky enough judge the East Coast Wine Geeks Wine of the Year contest. I will be the first to admit that I don’t know much about wine, but I knew for sure that I loved one of them above all others. Spice Route Pintoage. It is my new favorite and, it won the contest.

Since then, Mavrick and I have searched high and low for it, but to no avail. Not one single liquor store carried it. We tried other Pinotages, but none of them had the deep, spicy taste of the Spice Route. I was devastated, to say the least. I tried to love the others, but my heart yearned for Spice Route.

Last year was mine and Mavrick’s first Valentine’s Day together. We spent it in Lexington, at his mom, Holy Toledo’s, house. We agreed beforehand not to get anything, because we would be traveling. I actually wrote a post about it.

Since he got me a card and chewy Sprees, and I got him nada, I have had 12 months of Mavrick rubbing my nose in it. So I decided to go big time for Valentine’s Day this year. I wanted to get him something that would last forever, make him smile, and show him how much I love him.

That’s right. Dirty pictures of myself. Okay, they aren’t dirty, but they are sexy! I went to the fabulous Miss L herself and had a pin-up photo shoot. The results were amazing, and I was happy that Mavrick would be happy.

I don't know if there were Steeler pin ups back in the 50s, but there should have been.

Of course I was wondering what he had up his sleeve for me. I was hoping for something more than chewy Sprees, but figured I was not getting the iPhone I had been lobbying for.

Friday comes along, and I’m working from home. Mavrick comes into my office with a box, and says ‘Your Valentine’s Day prezzie is here!’ He points to the return address on the box, Happy Occasions, and says, ‘I got you a Sybian!’

Now, for those of you not familiar with the Sybian, you can read all about it here, but I wouldn’t suggest doing it from work. Or near small children. Mavrick and I, for reasons I can no longer remember but are probably dirty, actually looked up Sybians once, and we were shocked to discover they were $1500 dollars. Mavrick said he could rig me up one for much cheaper, but we never got that far, and I promptly forgot about it.

Now I was looking at this box with horror, because as much as the Sybian seemed great in theory, I actually had no desire to have/own/use/see in person one.

He busted out laughing. ‘Hahahahaha! Just kidding. I ordered myself Crocs.’, and he skipped out of the room. Whew! Bullet dodged.

The day goes on, the baby goes to bed, and Mavrick turns to me.

Mavrick – ‘Are we alone tonight? No one’s coming over?’

Me – ‘Nope, it’s just us sweetie.’

Mavrick – ‘Well (eyebrow wiggles), since it’s just the two of us, can I give you your Valentine’s Day gift early?’

Me – dear god don’t let it be a Sybian ‘Umm, sure?’

He then goes downstairs, and I proceed to hear him huffing and puffing up the steps. The box is heavy. Like it could possibly contain a Sybian with all of the requisite attachments. My panic is mounting. He plops the box on the table, gives me an evil grin, and hands me scissors.

I swallow my fear and break the tape. I slowly peel back the lid. This is the first thing I see:

Flying High sounds like it would be a sex swing, no?

It’s some crazy porno looking guy, so without reading it, I assume that beneath this foam is a Sybain and a sex swing. That’s my Valentine’s gift. I wished he had stuck with chewy Sprees.

I open the foam lid … and ……….

12 whole bottles!! That should last me.... 12 whole days!

COWBUNGA! It’s my freaking Spice Route Pinotage! A whole freaking CASE of it! WAY better than chewy Sprees.

We wasted no time. The first bottle was open before I was even done squeeing.

I love my Mavrick, and I hope that each and every one of you is spending Valentine’s Day with someone you love, even if that someone is yourself. Get yourself flowers. Get yourself wine. Hell, get yourself a Sybian. And if you do, let me know how it goes. Maybe I can see about getting that next year ….

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Mindbling’s Very Happy Valentine’s Day

  1. I should have mentioned that you can only get that Spice Route at the Wine and Spirits Store at Oxford Center–or, of course, you can special order a case! That’s an awesome gift! Happy Valentine’s Day to you!!!!

  2. Holy crap, I bet you sucked the cork out of the bottle yourself!

    Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your 2 accomplices.

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