Winter is not a good time for Hot Mama. I get the winter blahs in a serious way. I think I must have been some type of woodland creature in my former life because I definitely like to stock up on food for the winter and I would prefer to sleep from January to April.
I attempted to embrace it this year. Seriously. I have many hats and gloves. I took the boys out to play in the snow. Hell, I even shoveled the walkways for Hot Papa a few times. I said, “Winter, you are not going to get the best of me this year, you little frosty rascal.”
Ok, I def did not say that. That just sounds stupid. But I sort of thought it in my head. I thought that I had it under control…that is until I talked to C.C. and realized that I definitely DO NOT have it under control. She called me last Thursday and the convo went something like this:
C.C. : Hey Hot Mama, what are you doing?
H.M. Oh, just sitting here, feeling irritated. Every time I watch re-runs of Sex and the City, I still get pissed that Carrie ended up with Big and not Aidan.
C.C. : (long, weird pause) Dude. You need to get over that. It was the late nineties. It’s over.
H.M. : I know. It’s just upsetting. Aidan was so much nicer! And hotter! And younger!
C.C. : Um, Hot Mama…when was the last time you left the house?
H.M. : Uhhhhh…well, it doesn’t matter, I am leaving today. I put jeans on, even! I am going to Shop n Save. The deli guy has a crush on me. I like the way he slices my Land o Lakes…nice and thin.
C.C. : Do you hear yourself??
H.M. : Why? Is it weird that the last time I put jeans on was two Saturdays ago? Or that the deli guy thinks my pig tails are sexy and slices my cheese perfectly?
C.C. : This whole conversation is weird. You sound like a lunatic. I suggest you make a plan that involves leaving your house in a low cut top, shaking your booty a little bit, and drinking some wine.
H.M. : I guess I could sneak a flask into the Shop n Save…but I really don’t feel comfortable drinking and driving with Smiley in the car.
C.C. : You are hopeless!! Forget the Shop n Save! Forget the flask! Grab Hot Papa and go to a bar or something!
It was at that moment that I realized my winter blahs had taken over. The highlight of my day was putting on jeans and going to shop n save for thinly sliced cheese from an idiot at the deli. Yikes. I didn’t mean to call him an idiot. He does know how to work that meat slicer like nobody’s business.
That groundhog said that spring is just around the corner. He better be right cause if not, I will totally drive to Punxsutawny and choke that little fucker out. I will even put on jeans for the occasion.