Monthly Archives: December 2011

Why Can’t Children Do Tricks on Goddamn Command?

Imma make mommy look cray cray....

I spent a considerable amount of time over Christmas trying to get the baby to show off the amazing and wonderful trick I taught him. This is a tradition that started with his older brother, who would do it at the drop of a hat. He would do it without asking. He would walk right up to total strangers and bust this sucker out. Mavbling? Not so much.

There was a lot of, come on baby! Do it for mommy! What does Santa say? And a lot of me, sweating, saying, ‘I swear, he does this all the time when no one is here, heh heh.’ And a lot of people looking at me like, that poor, delusional woman.

Well, to all of those people I say HA!!! The second you all left, LOOK WHAT MY BABY DID! Bask in the cute, folks.

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Mindbling Had A Very Merry Bitchmas

I must have been a very good girl this year, because Mavrick  Claus went above and beyond on the Christmas prezzies. I got a Keurig one cup coffee maker, and if you think I’m not excited about that, then you haven’t been to my house yet. Everyone that comes in gets bombarded:  “Do you want a cup of coffee? Cause I can totally make you one. Fresh. In under a minute. Seriously. You better have some coffee. You look like you need some.”

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Last Minute Christmas Ideas From Your Friend Mindbling

Every year, I just make Christmas my bitch!

I am sure you all know the type. Christmas shopping done by December 1st. Gifts, wrapped. Cards? Sent. With personalized notes and a photo of the whole family, plus the dog, in front of a roaring fire. Cookies? Baked. With a few extra dozen, ‘just in case’.  Everything is ready to go, with weeks to spare!

I, however, am not that person.

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How To Handle Your Inevitable Holiday Weight Gain -Or, A Christmas Love Story. By Mindbling

Okay. Who gave the dog eggnog? THAT WAY MY GODDAMN EGGNOG AND NOW IT'S GONE!

I am proud to say that at 36, I am in the best shape of my life. Running has helped a lot, as has getting my boobies done. I think some of it is being in your 30s, too. Back in the day, the mere sight of a stretch mark had me screeching down the hallway like my ass was on fire.

Now, I just give a worldly shrug, sip my wine, and make my next Botox appointment. It’s amazing how getting older really helps you get comfortable in your own chemically enhanced, surgically altered skin. But I digress.

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