Imma make mommy look cray cray....
I spent a considerable amount of time over Christmas trying to get the baby to show off the amazing and wonderful trick I taught him. This is a tradition that started with his older brother, who would do it at the drop of a hat. He would do it without asking. He would walk right up to total strangers and bust this sucker out. Mavbling? Not so much.
There was a lot of, come on baby! Do it for mommy! What does Santa say? And a lot of me, sweating, saying, ‘I swear, he does this all the time when no one is here, heh heh.’ And a lot of people looking at me like, that poor, delusional woman.
Well, to all of those people I say HA!!! The second you all left, LOOK WHAT MY BABY DID! Bask in the cute, folks.
I must have been a very good girl this year, because Mavrick Claus went above and beyond on the Christmas prezzies. I got a Keurig one cup coffee maker, and if you think I’m not excited about that, then you haven’t been to my house yet. Everyone that comes in gets bombarded: “Do you want a cup of coffee? Cause I can totally make you one. Fresh. In under a minute. Seriously. You better have some coffee. You look like you need some.”
Every year, I just make Christmas my bitch!
I am sure you all know the type. Christmas shopping done by December 1st. Gifts, wrapped. Cards? Sent. With personalized notes and a photo of the whole family, plus the dog, in front of a roaring fire. Cookies? Baked. With a few extra dozen, ‘just in case’. Everything is ready to go, with weeks to spare!
I, however, am not that person.
Okay. Who gave the dog eggnog? THAT WAY MY GODDAMN EGGNOG AND NOW IT'S GONE!
I am proud to say that at 36, I am in the best shape of my life. Running has helped a lot, as has getting my boobies done. I think some of it is being in your 30s, too. Back in the day, the mere sight of a stretch mark had me screeching down the hallway like my ass was on fire.
Now, I just give a worldly shrug, sip my wine, and make my next Botox appointment. It’s amazing how getting older really helps you get comfortable in your own chemically enhanced, surgically altered skin. But I digress.