Well, It’s Been Real!

Oh, guys. I have bad news. We are kind of sort of leaving Bitchburgh. We’ve all taken our time off for various reasons, but it looks like right now none of us have what it takes to be a Bitch. CC is too busy being married and fabulous, Hot Mama went and get herself a full time job (because you know, raising two boys, three if you count Hot Papa, isn’t enough. She’s superwoman), and me, well…. lemme explain.

Mindbling’s Motto For New Year’s Eve: Party Like No One Else Will Remember This Either.

Nothing says 2012 like someone who is actually 2012. Can we just let the poor man rest in peace already?

Mavrick and I rang in the New Year the way god intended: buck naked and groggily high-fiving each other because it appeared we had made it back to our hotel room.

SCENE:

It was pitch black. He looked at me (I think). I looked at him (again, it was pitch black, it could have been the headboard. Who knows?). There was a knock at the door. We both jump.

Why Can’t Children Do Tricks on Goddamn Command?

Imma make mommy look cray cray....

I spent a considerable amount of time over Christmas trying to get the baby to show off the amazing and wonderful trick I taught him. This is a tradition that started with his older brother, who would do it at the drop of a hat. He would do it without asking. He would walk right up to total strangers and bust this sucker out. Mavbling? Not so much.

There was a lot of, come on baby! Do it for mommy! What does Santa say? And a lot of me, sweating, saying, ‘I swear, he does this all the time when no one is here, heh heh.’ And a lot of people looking at me like, that poor, delusional woman.

Well, to all of those people I say HA!!! The second you all left, LOOK WHAT MY BABY DID! Bask in the cute, folks.

Mindbling Had A Very Merry Bitchmas

I must have been a very good girl this year, because Mavrick  Claus went above and beyond on the Christmas prezzies. I got a Keurig one cup coffee maker, and if you think I’m not excited about that, then you haven’t been to my house yet. Everyone that comes in gets bombarded:  “Do you want a cup of coffee? Cause I can totally make you one. Fresh. In under a minute. Seriously. You better have some coffee. You look like you need some.”

Last Minute Christmas Ideas From Your Friend Mindbling

Every year, I just make Christmas my bitch!

I am sure you all know the type. Christmas shopping done by December 1^st. Gifts, wrapped. Cards? Sent. With personalized notes and a photo of the whole family, plus the dog, in front of a roaring fire. Cookies? Baked. With a few extra dozen, ‘just in case’.  Everything is ready to go, with weeks to spare!

I, however, am not that person.

How To Handle Your Inevitable Holiday Weight Gain -Or, A Christmas Love Story. By Mindbling

Okay. Who gave the dog eggnog? THAT WAY MY GODDAMN EGGNOG AND NOW IT'S GONE!

I am proud to say that at 36, I am in the best shape of my life. Running has helped a lot, as has getting my boobies done. I think some of it is being in your 30s, too. Back in the day, the mere sight of a stretch mark had me screeching down the hallway like my ass was on fire.

Now, I just give a worldly shrug, sip my wine, and make my next Botox appointment. It’s amazing how getting older really helps you get comfortable in your own chemically enhanced, surgically altered skin. But I digress.

Mindbling Gets Hurts, Has Some Moments, Moves On, Reveals Real Name. News at 11.

Wouldn't it be nice if life came with this warning? Or, conversely, if your computer came with a Breathalyzer? If you blew over, no typey for you! I should invent that shit.

 

Ok. So some of you may know that me and Mavrick had An Incident. I am not going to get into the Details of the Incident, but I will say that I’m glad I resisted my original impulse to blog all about it and smear his name all over the interwebz in a most public fashion (well, anymore than I already did). Because we have Overcome. We did The Therapy. We are now Stronger. Our relationship is Better, and I am Happier and Have Received Many Presents and Flowers and also Cards.

And let’s leave it at that, shall we? Moving on…

Getting Hitched ~ The C.C. & Chilla Edition

Believe it or not today, October 10, 2011 is mine and Chilla’s 1 month wedding anniversary and 2 year-since-the-day-we-met anniversary.  Wow how time can fly by!

Our wedding was truly the most spectacular day of our lives and we have our fantastic friends and wonderful family to thank for making it such a fabulous day.  Everything went smoothly and without drama.  We did have a 20 minute rain spurt right after the ceremony, but I’m looking at that as unicorns throwing good luck fairy dust on us.

Highlights of the day: Lots and lots of champers, Chilla clanking his ring on the champers bottle in the limo, Mindbling bringing the house down with her Maid of Honor speech, conga line, fireworks night, being told I look like Ava Gardner, our friend BoomBoom becoming a wedding crasher, the after party at Bar Louie, Hot Mama taking my eyelashes and making a smiley face with them on a plate when I was sad about my Dad not being there, and lots and lots of drunk party members by the end of the night.

Instead of trying to explain the love, the fun and the hilarity of the day, I’ve just decided to create a video montage of my favorite moments.  I cry each time I watch it.

Cheers to Love!

Girls Gone Wild: CC’s B-Party and The Night Shit Got Broke. And Also The Next Day.

Do not want.

CC had a few requests for her bachelorette party – no strippers, and no penises of any kind, be it a penis straw, a penis necklace, an actual penis … she wanted none of it. She said she was too damn old to be running around bedecked in penises, and male strippers are totally gross and not even ironically funny.

I, being that Maid of Mother Fucking Honor, or MOMFH for short, agreed. No peens for the party. Hot Mama agreed, and Smitty Kitty agreed, and so it was writ, we were going to plan a totally peen free bachelorette party.

C.C.’s Safari Shower

Mindbling, Smitty Kitty, and myself (Hot Mama…duh) were the lucky bridesmaids for C.C.’s wedding.